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Feel It All

Photo by drifted_abound

I feel it all I feel it all………… It can be so fucking hard to just let yourself feel. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms; food, alcohol, cigarettes, denial. It’s so scary to just let yourself feel, but pushing all that pain away just compacts all those feelings down deep where they slowly eat away at you. I have a lot of fear, sadness, and jealousy that I carry around with me and I feel really bad sometimes. I haven’t begun to understand how to stop feeling those things, but I do know you can’t hide from them.  One of the only things that seems to help me when I’m struggling is talking to someone. That doesn’t mean that afterwards I’m not sad or angry anymore, but figuring out why you feel that way might just be all that you can do. Maybe its something in your control to change and maybe not. Just get it out understand it, it’s a part of you.

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About rosebeerhorst

My name is Rose Beerhorst I'm 20, I love working with my hands whether that means crafting, gardening, or cooking. I've always dreamed a little too big for my own good!

6 responses »

  1. Marjorie Edwards

    Does this picture mean that you are hurting yourself?

    Reply
  2. Marjorie Edwards

    Glad to hear that. The combo of that picture and your expression of painful emotions had me concerned.

    Reply
  3. I feel that way a lot too, darlin’. I’ve found that things like walking, meditation, and writing help. Also, like you said, figuring out why you feel that way helps a lot as well. But the thing I’ve found that works the most? Taking those reasons, telling yourself that you’re better than them, and making a conscious effort at feeling good. If you *want* to feel good, you are very capable of making it so.

    Earlier today, I was reading this book and saw a quote that I copied into my journal: “If there is but one force which feeds the root of pain, it is the refusal to learn beyond this moment.” Through talking to someone, you’re learning about yourself, so it sounds like you’re on the right track.

    Reply
  4. in times when i struggle with self hatred or jealousy or anger over things i can’t control, i think back to one of the most empowering things a good friend once told me… you have the power to choose to repent, to move in a different direction, to start over. you don’t have to carry it all around anymore. not that it’s always easy, but it is possible. and it is a lot of why Jesus came to earth, so we could be free from these things that we don’t like and that eat away at us. talking to good, wise friends is always helpful for me too.
    it takes a lot of bravery to examine the reasons why you feel the way you do and to sort it all out, but i think it is worth it, and you seem like a very brave young woman. prayers for you as you continue figuring things out and growing in new ways.

    Reply
  5. It really means that you are alive when you feel pain deeply. Feeling things so strongly is truly a gift. Those of us that are artists, those of us creating content are often ones that have cultivated a heart that is more responsive than what is typical. A tender heart, one often broken, is a heart ready to love and be loved.

    Rose Althea=Healing with Love

    Reply

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